I wasn't quite sure how to title this. Honestly, posting anything at all on this site feels so surreal to me. To some people, it may not really matter all that much. Some might be relieved. Or just have forgotten it, never cared, or stopped caring (no, I'm not talking about me not being around). But I mean, some people might be relieved, not really care, or whatever, that I haven't been drawing. Some might be disappointed, or upset. I mean, whether disappointed, sad, joyful, not really caring, they're all valid. I mean, same with how long I've been gone.
So why have I been gone from deviantART for so long? Well, I could chalk it up to growing up, but that's not necessarily true, is it? Plenty of people more mature and/or older than me use this site and still use it and there's totally nothing wrong with that. I guess it's mainly just that same with drawing, I've lost interest in this site. I might have figured that if I don't really draw anymore and don't really have anything to post, then there must not be any reason to go on here.
As for drawing itself, I have mixed feelings about not doing it anymore. I'm not saying I've totally quit, and maybe sometime in the future I can get back to it, but it seems that for now at least, it's not my interest. I realize (I mean, how could I forget?) that I was working on a comic before, called New Pages. I liked those characters, still do, liked their interaction, liked their story, but..at least for now, I'm leaving it unfinished. I have mixed feelings about that because even if most people don't really care one way or the other, I feel like I'm letting myself down by not finishing what I started. I mean, my biggest goal has been to actually finish a story. But that's where the other hand of the mixed feelings comes in. Yes, that's still my goal, but I don't have to do that with drawing anymore. I can come up with stories and finish them in other ways.
That's why I've gone over to writing. I feel like, even if my writing is just as novice as my drawings were, I feel like I have a voice. A unique style. I didn't really feel a personal ownership of the type of stuff I drew, to be honest. I felt like I was just copying a "manga/anime" style. Even if I improved, I just wasn't satisfied. With writing I feel much more satisfied.
Before anyone asks, no, I am not depressed, either. Actually, 2014 has been an overall improvement to my mental health. 2011, 2012, 2013, those years have been pretty tough on me, not going to lie. I admit, there's been some good things that I wouldn't want to take back, but they were still pretty rough years and my mental state was not very good. This year I've been not only seeing a therapist but I'm generally happier and content with where I am. It just so happens that where I am doesn't involve drawing. Whether or not it involves that in the future is up in the air, but for now, I am writing things instead.
I'm sure I can fill you guys in on more things, if anyone would like to ask. I understand it's a long journal entry, but it's been a long time too, yeah? I'll try to check in every now and then, answer any comments, make replies, at least make journal entries, if nothing else.
P.S. Damn, so much has changed with this site, I mean there's still a lot of silly fanart on the front page, but just the web design and site content is so different and stuff.
Well, that's all for now. I wish you all the best and hope you guys are well!